I GOT A PUPPY!!!

So I got a puppy as an early Christmas present. Yeah, he is pretty cool but the responsibility is more than I expected. I have to train him and play with him. It is exhausting. I have to make sure I establish dominance at an early age. I like to mess with him a little like that.

I think he will be a good dog in the end but for now I really have to work on whipping him into shape.

"I cut you so bad, you wish... you wish I no cut you so bad"

I didn't want to do it but I had to. I have a right to defend myself as a ferret. So I wanted to take a knife out of the dishwasher so I could keep it to protect my stuff under the bed. For some reason that girl I live with would not back off. I took the knife under the bed and just when I thought it was safe to set it down... bam there she is not minding her own business. She went to take it from me so what other option did I have? I cut her. That's how I roll. She was throwing all of these "armed assault" charges at me but I have a feeling she won't dare mess with me.

Chillin like a Villian

Sometimes you just gotsta kick it. I usually like to hibernate in my remote locations around the house but this time I thought, "maybe I want to watch tv on the couch. I steal half the cable bill every month." (Just the actual paper bill, I'm not dumb enough to take on the actual liability.) I like action the most. I like to watch dumb criminals and see how much they lack my awesome skills. Oh, wait here comes the best part... Until next time.

Christmas Memories

I just got these pictures uploaded so I thought I would share some fond memories of my first Christmas. First things first...snow. Snow is great for burrowing...very cold but very fun. The next thing is the tree. The tree is great for giving that outdoorsy feel that I so long for. You can attack the branches, drink the pine fresh water, or even bask in the glow of the lights as you tear them off of the branches. Lastly and most importantly, the presents. They just put them under the tree. What kind of challenge is that? One thing that is important is to unwrap the presents early. Then by the time Christmas rolls around you can be completely indifferent to everything they put in front of you. Well, except the wrapping paper. I love a good crinkly paper. I got some tubes for Christmas and they were kewl. But the most important thing to remember is the life lessons that you learn from this most important holiday. Life is short so get all you can and...like I always say, "The greatest gift you can receive is the gift that you steal yourself."

Shh! Be vewy quiet... I hunting snaiws

Have you ever tried escargot? If so, then you have a little bit of culture in you. Good job. What the French restaurant didn't tell you was that this is the pansy way to eat them - all cooked and dead. I prefer to venture out and pick my own. That way you are sure to get the freshest and utmost quality snails around. I like to roll them over and then lick them. For some reason my leash hasn't let me get much past that so I haven't actually eaten one yet but my day shall come. Licking them is great. It makes you feel all psychedelic. It's snails that do that right? If you lick a snail you get a buzz?...

It's all fun and games until someone gets left home from the vacation

So I was having a good time trying to unpack everything that my friends were packing and rolling around in their suitcase when little did I know that this meant that they were leaving me. The most insulting part of it all was that they locked me in my cage. Are you freaking kidding me? You think you can just leave me here locked in a cage like I am some kind of... some kind of...animal? Luckily Grandma was there to spring me the next day. It was lonely with no one to harass all day. But I am sure that they were pathetically lost without me becuase when they got home it was all, Dizzee this, and Dizzee that. Don't worry, I'll make them make it up to me.

Me gusta la basura (that's right, I am multi-lingual)

For those of you that aren't, it means that I like the garbage. If you are like most people who don't share their home with a helpful friend like me, when you throw something away it is done, gone away, not worried about until you take out the garbage. Ever heard the phrase "one man's garbage is another man's treasure?" If you haven't, it is probably because I didn't get ithe quote right... but you know what I mean. I don't see any reason to throw out perfectly good toilet paper roll. I can think of a thousand things to do it and I have just the place to put it. So typically you can throw things a way 2, 3, or even 4 times. I just like to make sure that you are absolutely sure you wanted to throw it away. You can thank me later.